So... what's going on?

Well, all I can say is just when I thought I couldn't hit an all time low. I did. There's been too many things going on in my life. Nothing hurts more than your parents denying your entire existence and your capabilities. I was forbidden from pursuing what I like to do and was asked to do something I hate immensely and finally I did it and proved that I SUCK and that I'm not the daughter that I'm cropped up to be. And so the whole mutilation and whirlwind of humiliation commences what with Asian parents being so old fashion and all. 

Also I was told that IF I don't pass again this year, I am officially going back to Malaysia after wasting my youth here for 4 years. Thanks, thanks a lot. If I was studying what I am passionate for this won't be happening. Anyways, if I do fail, I have made up my mind to tough it out and suffer the humiliation that they are going to dish out on me and earn enough dough so that I can learn Japanese and move to Japan since I will no longer be tied down to anything except ties that are basically non-existent to begin with.

I have always felt that happiness is just something fleeting anyway. But the difference now is that my happiness is not in anyone else's hands but mine. I am taking control and at this point I really don't care who I hurt. I've been hurt all this time and I've been nothing but accommodating, but when things don't go your way, I'M THE VILLAIN? The ungrateful, relentless, heartless, useless bitch? Okay I'll take it. Fine. Since you're going to throw money smack on my face, saying that it's what you've contributed. What is this? A fucking transaction? A business deal? What am I some meat that you can buy?

Ungrateful? Definitely yes. Heartless? Maybe. 

I am sick and tired of people telling me that I can not do something because I am not good enough. Just as you told me to try architecture to see whether I am good or not, why am I not allowed to try out what I like to see whether I suck or not?

Waste of time? Most definitely. But It's my life and my youth on the line. Money is just paper you can't bring away when you're stone cold dead.

Rant end.